Five Amazingly Logical Things Fairness Cream Ads Teach Us

There was once a silly little princess called Snow White who never had the brains to request a name change. Yes, her life was tragic. Her evil step-mother was constantly trying to bury her six feet under. She had to live with not just one but SEVEN of the opposite gender *shudder*. AND she had to wait for that dratted (over-hyped) Prince Charming to show up and save her from her miserable existence. We get it. Snow White and the Seven Dwarfs was the saddest (and morally-bankrupt) fairy tale in the history of fairy tales.

Times may have changed but the mindset clearly hasn't. Indian copywriters - with their Post-colonial trauma - drool at the thought of a milky white skin. Everything from brides to teeth ought to be white. Here are the things our ads teach us:

1. There is such a thing as 'complete' fairness. In other words: Your fairness may currently be incomplete. You, with your dusky / wheatish / dark skin tone, happen to be a sob story waiting to be rescued. Did you know that? No. Why won't you rush to your nearest pharmacy to buy your knight in shining packaging already?

2. If one uses the fairness cream a famous actress endorses, one can become 'naturally' fair. Just look at how they used these creams on their already fair skin. And just look at how they immediately start glowing like unicorns. Such a life changer, this.

3. When you apply these creams externally, they embed themselves internally and convert every single stubbornly dark spot you possess, into a dazzling shade of white. And then, there will be light.

4. Only a flawless white skin can bring you true love. Because if you are dark or dusky, you are automatically invisible and your soul mate will pass you by.

5. Only if you are a spotless beauty will you be able to land the job you want. Or be able to deliver a speech confidently. Or be able to stand up against injustice. And find the groom you deserve. And find long lasting, black spot-free happiness. And maybe lay golden eggs. And also go to heaven perhaps. 

So basically, a fair complexion does your work for you. Okay? No hard work needed. And once you start applying these magical stardust sprinkled products, you mutate into a semi-superhuman who can do anything. If you are a man, you can become a superstar, just like Shah Rukh Khan. If you are a woman you will rule the world because everything and everyone will stop at the sight of your radiant white beauty.

Wonder who these ads are more insulting for: the dusky beauties or the fair ones. Thoughts?