Oh, Deepika. Come Back, Aishwarya, All Is Forgiven

My eyes, my eyes. Is the Met Gala still on, at least for Deepika Padukone? Wasn't the Barbie Meets Princess that went 'camping' recently not enough fabric and horror? Why is it extended to a billowing curtain in white - with pockets if you please - and tied with a bow in deep brown that has slayed no red or green carpet, only fashion.

The Peter Dundas gown has made the impossible possible! Deepika for now has toppled Aishwarya Rai Bachchan- and it's a tough ask - in the disaster stakes. As an aside, the running question on many a lips is how actresses dolled in lavish meters use the washroom! For Deepika though, it seems, more than misery, it is bizarre dressing which loves company, because when you are married to Ranveer Singh, it's hard to tell where fashion begins and outlandish starts. As usual, the husband was by her side, posting lavison 'Insta'; definitely, in this marriage, there is no opposites attract.

Ranveer's response to the dress - and if this is a dress, what have we normal folks been wearing all along - was more like the faithful husband, damned if you say and damned if you don't. So he kept it diplomatic with "aur paas toh banta hai"; we say she is all yours; buddy! Then he gushed "elegance kee moorat"; The OTT response to the 'big bow' was as OTT as the actor himself, after all when a man hangs in neon furs, spring is always far away.

Deepika wasn't done though. There is the 'jail suit' which everyone from Ranveer to Shahid Kapoor thinks is trendy, the fashion police though has itchy fingers. Ranveer wears the stripes (he would, wouldn't he) and now his wife is wearing her version in a blue-and-white pant suit. The only thing she has nailed so far are the bright orange shoes but then only hubby faithful can take his eyes off those outfits to look beyond to the soul errr sole!

Deep sigh, silent applause when Deepika said her mother asked her to get some beauty sleep which is why she isn't going for the after party. It's always another day but not at Cannes where top Indian actresses spend more time dressing up in ruffles and trains than wondering why they are walking the walk for a cosmetic and a liquor company rather than for their movies and talent. Frankly, it takes a lot to outdo Aishwarya especially at Cannes but for now, it is 2-0 in Deepika's favour.

But the lady who launched a thousand memes was understated at the 'festival without the films'. The effort at the Met Gala could have exhausted Priyanka who turned up in a classy Roberto Cavalli, unknowingly or knowingly she mastered 'less is more' but not for long? There is a hidden Jitendra across Bollywood and soon PeeCee channelised hers, wearing an all-white ensemble with a white tote twice in two days. Arjun Kapoor's 'Surf Excel vibes' post said what we all wanted to sing!

Kangana Ranaut though continues to take the title of her movie 'Queen' quite literally. But this sari twist, where she paired her Falguni and Shane Peacock Kanjeevaram with a peplum corset and a pair of burgundy gloves, was less Grace Kelly (possibly the South of France influence) and more driving-your-car-to-a-Punjabi-wedding-on-a-hot-June-afternoon. Kangana was trying too hard, maybe she wanted to take the mantle off Sonam Kapoor who is yet to walk the red carpet. Kangana's risque pant suit - if it can be called that - is going to be hard on the followers of her new 'nationalist' avatar. They will probably share Ranveer Singh's dilemma, to defend or not to defend, but as one Twitterati said, "What's up with the Mogambo jacket!"

The one who sparkled at the red carpet was TV star Hina Khan, but in a reflection of how Bollywood works where you are either in the A-league or a nobody, the editor of the 'Filmfare' magazine trashed her debut, saying "Cannes has suddenly become Chandivali studios kya." Maybe he knows more because for the rest of us; Bollywood at Cannes is hardly an inspiration - so much time and energy - presumably these outfits are free - to look like a mermaid or a fusion Audrey Hepburn! At least Mallika Sherawat does not flatter to deceive, there are no pretensions to either the outfit or career.

But it's not over till the Bachchan bahu walks. She may yet take back the crown.

(Jyotsna Mohan Bhargava worked with NDTV for more than a decade and now writes on a variety of topics for several news organisations.)

Disclaimer: The opinions expressed within this article are the personal opinions of the author. The facts and opinions appearing in the article do not reflect the views of NDTV and NDTV does not assume any responsibility or liability for the same.