This Mother's Day is different for me.
It was last year on May 8 that my mother was hospitalized. She was diagnosed with pneumonia. She complained of breathlessness so my brother and I took her to hospital for a check-up. I thought the doctor would prescribe a few medicines and we would come back home.
But I guess if things go as we want them to, or hope they will, we would all be happy in our respective lives.
My mother came home 40 days later in an ambulance. This time she was not complaining of breathlessness. Because she was not breathing. That trip home and the year that followed have been a horrible journey for me. Now I have lived almost a year without having a mom.
I used to call her Maa.
She was my guardian angel. I lost my father when I was in school, she brought me up single-handedly. I spent all my adult life with her.
Every year, Mother's Day falls on the second Sunday of May. We went to hospital two days before Mother's Day. I was busy with her medical check-ups and her results, so on Mother's Day I forgot to wish her.
She reminded me. "Today is Mother's Day you did not wish me. The nurse came and gave me this rose," she said. I just made a face at her. Though later that evening, I got coconut water for her as she refused to have hospital food.
On Diwali, with my mother, in 2013
I still remember that day so clearly. She was behaving like a child and continuously complaining how nurses would arrive in annoying frequencies to inject syringes without any compassion. I tried to reason it out with her. But she was in no mood to listen.
My mother was in hospital for more than a month. Each day, I saw her weakening. She did fight but she could not make it. And at times like these, you either start believing in God or stop thinking that there is someone who takes care of everyone.
Doctors couldn't explain why her medicine was not working. I always thought Science provides all answers. But I did not get mine.
The only answer I have is that in trouble, I find myself alone. It's a fact. Only a mother will embrace all your troubles with a smile.
I fight my battles now without her on my side.
Soon all my firsts without her in my life will come to an end - my first Diwali, my first Holi, my birthday.
For those who will celebrate Mother's Day on Sunday, I hope you will pamper your mother. I wish I could do that for mine.
(Neeta Sharma is Editor, Strategic and Security Affairs at NDTV India)Disclaimer: The opinions expressed within this article are the personal opinions of the author. The facts and opinions appearing in the article do not reflect the views of NDTV and NDTV does not assume any responsibility or liability for the same.