"Babies & Bylines" a parenting memoir by Pallavi Aiyar, is a fantastic book. Except it was not around when I needed it - about a year ago, when I was pregnant and clueless with my first (and, believe me, last) child.
Reading "Babies and Bylines" was like finding and reading a diary I never kept. To know that someone else experienced the same "non-maternal" thoughts as me - that childbirth may be a biological norm but it does not always have to feel natural - was an enormous relief.
In our society, which is obsessed with babies and having babies and why so-and-so is not having babies, nobody really prepares you for the reality that the hardest part is what comes after. While all we talk about is the pregnancy and the delivery (everybody's favorite question is "Normal or C-section?"), no one warns you that:
1. You don't fall in love with your child right away. And that's okay.
2. Breast feeding is not the most natural process in the world. It's hard, often painful and doesn't always work. So thank God for formula!
3. Motherhood does not complete you. Looking after a child all day and night can be dreary and tedious.
4. You can say goodbye to marital equality. You will probably hate your husband many times over as you argue over why the responsibility of being the baby's primary caregiver inevitably lies with you.
I had a fairy-tale like pregnancy, with none of the usual nausea or bloating. I went snorkeling in the Andaman and Nicobar Islands in my fifth month. I traveled to Japan in my eighth month, and started my day at 5 am with sushi at the Tsujiki Fish market in Tokyo. I had a natural birth (With drugs, of course. To quote Madonna "I'm not interested in being Wonder Woman in the delivery room. Give me drugs.") I went for a swim and a blow-dry on the morning that my daughter was born. But no one told me for that the side effects of pregnancy last for months after giving birth.
While I luckily did not have any lasting post-partum depression, I felt completely let down by my body. As some one who has always been fit and committed to exercise (my gym membership has been by far my steadiest relationship), it has taken me over six months to be able to return to running and regular yoga. For months, I struggled with a dull ache in my foot and "mother's thumb" that made it difficult to pick up anything.
A Google search enlightened me that this was quite common for new moms and is caused by the increased level of the hormone
relaxin in the body. The medical terms for this are Plantar Fascitis and De Quervain syndrome. Thanks to Google, I also discovered that there are self-help groups for this online and products to treat this can be bought on Amazon!
Had I been living under a rock all my life or did nobody ever talk about this stuff?
To be fair, until I discovered I was pregnant, I had absolutely no interest in babies and very little exposure to them - most of my friends have started having children only recently. But the societal message I had subconsciously imbibed had entirely to do with the motherhood glow and cravings (I had neither)!
Even post-baby, it felt like I was the only one dealing with this. I marveled at and bitterly envied an American friend who posted pictures of herself on Facebook completing a marathon three months after giving birth. What Facebook did not tell me was that she suffered from serious baby blues. But there is little talk about the preparing for the physiological and physical impact of motherhood. I guess people assume that one's mother would let you know. But honestly, our moms had their babies so long ago that they've forgotten what it was really like.
If you are going to have a baby my advice to you is - take the epidural and read "Babies & Bylines".
(Sarah Jacob is senior editor and anchor, NDTV 24x7)Disclaimer: The opinions expressed within this article are the personal opinions of the author. The facts and opinions appearing in the article do not reflect the views of NDTV and NDTV does not assume any responsibility or liability for the same.