Blog | Why I, A Father Of Two, Am Terrified Of Dating Apps

"Stay away from swipe-right love." 

That is quite an obvious statement from someone who is in his early fifties and the father of two grown-up children, isn't it? After all, one would expect that he (referring to myself in the fashionable third person), being the traditional Indian father he is, would obviously like to play matchmaker for his children and marry them off according to his own wishes.

However, as a strong advocate of love marriage and all that it stands for, I also feel morally obliged to support my children's choices, even if that means using dating apps to find love. But do I really like the idea of dating apps? Not anymore it seems, and for several valid reasons.

A Skewed Field

The gender ratio on dating apps in India and across the world is alarmingly skewed. According to various estimates, nearly 75-90% of all users on dating apps in India are men. Yes, all men. The situation is marginally better elsewhere, but only marginally. Just imagine: so many men pursuing a few good women, attempting to impress them in the most bizarre ways imaginable and become the 'chosen few'. How toxic such an environment would be! No doubt there are some genuine contenders, but among them, there are also frustrated individuals, the weird, the creepy, the pretentious, the aggressive, the bold, and the obscene ones -all vying to present their best (read: fake) selves to garner attention. Such a scenario should deter anyone.

Also Read | Most Dating Apps May Sell Your Personal Data For Advertising: Report

So that's a compelling argument I now use when discussing with my daughter why she should steer clear of dating apps forever.

But that is not all. A recent report by Mozilla Foundation reveals that "dating apps claim the more personal data you share, the more likely you are to find love. We have no way of knowing if that's true. What we do know is that most dating apps fail spectacularly at protecting that information." 

How scary that is! Sample the kind of data you're required to share: from pictures, videos, religious affiliations, political views and sexual preferences, to details of parents' marital life and HIV test reports. Even biometric details to verify your identity. This is the volume of personal information you put out in the public domain, just to enter the dating arena. Worse still, it's sold to advertisers who inundate you with incessant calls at the most inconvenient times. Privacy be damned. And data protection? Who cares? 

So Much For Often, Nothing

Some apps even collect your video chats. Imagine your video conversation with a potential date where you try to impress them, only to slip up and say something completely off-script. You end up portraying a false image, exaggerating traits that aren't really you. And these moments, including some intimate ones, are stored somewhere. Often, they surface in the most unexpected ways-perhaps as a viral WhatsApp forward! Is finding a date that may not even materialise worth such an ordeal?

Also Read | Dating Apps Accused Of Being Too Addictive. What Makes Us Keep Swiping?

Perhaps most people worldwide are already aware of the risks of modern swipe-right love and try to convince their children to steer clear of dating apps. A New York Times report in March this year claiming that companies behind popular dating apps like Tinder and Bumble were facing challenges was no surprise. "As online dating became as easy as swiping a finger across your phone screen, the companies who own apps like Tinder and Bumble became Wall Street darlings. But about a decade later, those platforms are now struggling to live up to expectations, and investors have grown frustrated and eager for something new," it said.

The report further adds that "Match Group and Bumble - which make up nearly the entire industry by market share - have lost more than $40 billion in market value since 2021. Even in an age when the apps are a staple on people's smartphones, the two companies are laying off workers and reporting lacklustre revenue growth." 

Also Read | 79% Gen Z Report Dating App Fatigue, Says Survey

Somehow, I have managed to convince myself that I will be able to persuade my children to ditch dating apps. Brick-and-mortar love - if I may call it that - is what I prefer over the elusive promises made online. If you're still not convinced, read some more to build a solid case for yourself.

A disclosure though: like most people in India well in their fifties, I never really ventured out to seek a date as I grew older. And thus, I have never used these apps. My understanding of their functioning comes entirely from secondary sources. 

(Mayank Mishra is Consulting Editor at NDTV)

Disclaimer: These are the personal opinions of the author