Social media is filled with content about "micro-cheating."
In today's digital world, a simple "like" can spark suspicion. For couples, social media activity, from tagging friends to liking photos, can raise questions about boundaries and trust. But when it comes to "liking" an Instagram model's bikini photos, is it harmless admiration, a playful double tap, or a potential red flag?
Social media is filled with content about "micro-cheating," a modern term for small acts of betrayal, according to the Washington Post. With every "like" and comment readily available, couples are increasingly turning into digital detectives, scrutinizing each other's online behaviour for hints of disloyalty.
However, this hyper-vigilance creates a confusing landscape. The abundance of digital interactions makes it hard to define boundaries: what's a harmless double-tap, and what's a virtual transgression? Relationship experts warn that this new territory can lead to privacy violations and unhealthy levels of online monitoring. The question remains: how much access to a partner's online life is fair, and where do we draw the line between openness and unhealthy surveillance in a relationship?
So, what counts as cheating?
Rana Coniglio, an Arizona-based therapist told the Washington Post that clients often come to her with concerns about their partner's online behaviour. If someone's Snapchat score, which reflects their activity on the app, increases while they're at work, does it indicate they're cheating? Does following a model on X suggest your partner is being untrustworthy? Who are they talking to in DMs? Is it an issue if they continue to follow their ex?
The struggle isn't unique to her clients, who are mostly young women. (Men don't seek therapy as often, according to the U.S. Centers for Disease Control and Prevention.) Coniglio creates educational TikToks for her 20,000 followers and mentions that her messages are often filled with people trying to define modern infidelity: My girlfriend sends Instagram reels to her attractive co-worker - is that cheating?
The answer varies depending on who you ask. Each relationship has different boundaries, and what might be too far for one couple could be normal for another.
Some TikTok videos jokingly list "micro-cheating" behaviours like liking someone else's post, creating a sense of hyper-vigilance and distrust. This comes amidst a larger trend of young people disillusioned with love and romance. Dating apps, perceived as superficial and algorithmic, contribute to the decline. Sexual activity among young adults is also at an all-time low.
Compounding these issues, a disturbing CDC report (2023) highlights a rise in teen sexual assault cases. Given these circumstances, Perel concludes, it's understandable why young people struggle with trust in relationships.