If you're one of those active in the modern dating arena, chances are you've heard of terms such as "ghosting," "situationship," and "breadcrumbing." What's also on the block is love bombing. While the phrase has been around for a while among the Gen-Z, it recently went viral after Kaylor Martin, a Love Island contestant, blamed her boyfriend Aaron Evans for “love bombing” her.
What even is love bombing?
Love bombing is defined as an abusive technique in which an individual shows another person a lot of love, attention, affection and showers them with gifts in an attempt to win them over and exert control. Contrary to popular belief, love-bombing doesn't only happen in romantic relationships. It can also be applied in business and friendship contexts to win favour and stay out of trouble.
Although it only recently gained popularity among the masses, the term has been used in psychology since the 1970s. The phrase was initially used to characterise recruitment strategies employed by cults and religious organisations.
In an interview with Fox News, Leanna Stockard, a licensed marriage and family therapist with LifeStance Health expanded on the subject and shared the signs to spot love bombing in a relationship. “Manipulators use tactics by overly sharing their desire to be with you, showering you with affection and prioritizing you — all before they truly get to know you,” said Stockard.
She explained that such acts are performed to put up a front of love and affection for the new partner so they let their guard down and start to trust the manipulator, eventually taking it away. “The tactic of love bombing makes the one being manipulated believe that they've done something wrong for that love and affection to be taken away, and to feel that they need to do anything to get it back,” Stockard added.
Key insights to love bombing
1. Early in a relationship, signs of a potential manipulator include wanting to spend all day and night together, giving a ton of praise, and showing signs of intense attachment. The therapist added if you feel like your partner is doing “too much too soon,” it could be a sign of love bombing.
2. While the initial feeling of love bombing can be extremely flattering for some people, the actions are manipulative. The early attachment and priority fade away as soon as the love bomber thinks they've "got you" and that you're devoted to them. It's essential to identify the signs early in the relationship to prevent yourself from getting hurt.
3. Couples are eventually expected to plan a future together, but having these discussions early in the relationship can be a sign of love bombing. “Discussions about the future help build the false sense of security that the love bomber wants to create,” said Stockard. “The person wants you to believe in a future together.”
4.How to deal with the situation? Recognising the pattern is the first step against it. According to Stockard, if you're uncomfortable with the amount of attention you're getting after only a short period of dating, establish boundaries with your partner. “Additionally, if you're noticing in the relationship that your partner has drastically shifted the amount of affection and attention they provide to you, you can begin to recognise that you have been love bombed, and you can use this knowledge to bring it up to your partner,” said Stockard.
She concluded by saying "Just because the love bombing feels good at the beginning, it will not last, and it is something to be aware of."
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