10 Dos And Don'ts If You Decide To Date A Colleague (Which You Shouldn't)

Falling for a colleague can seem like the most natural thing in the world. You’re spending over 40 hours a week at close quarters, understand the challenges and demands of each other’s industries and careers, possibly bond over how awful the boss is, know all the same people and have so much to talk about. And while we can tell you from dusk to dawn about all the things that could go wrong, human beings being human beings will go ahead and fall in love with whoever they have to, common sense be damned. So here’s a list of 10 dos and don’ts while trying to navigate the minefield that is an office romance.

Don’t: Date your boss
This one is right up there among the worst-case scenarios for all the things that could go wrong with an office romance. It’s tough enough if a relationship among peers sours and ends, but when the person on the other end is someone who enjoys professional power over you, it just gets infinitely worse and complicated. At best, it’s going to be awkward reporting to someone you’ve shared a bed with, at worse, they’re going to be petty about the breakup and make your life miserable. Avoid it at all costs.

Don’t: Hook up with a colleague
It’s possible to develop a purely physical attraction to develop among colleagues while working long hours at close quarters. If you know that it’s purely a matter of lust, do whatever it takes to keep yourself from giving in to it. You never know who might find out and set tongues wagging. And as sexist as it is, the truth is, women are judged more harshly than men when it comes to no-strings-attached sex. The no-hookups-with-colleagues rule is doubly important if either of you are married or in a committed relationship.

Don’t: Be unprofessional/ unfair to others
You might be inclined to give your partner an edge by passing on additional information, or favouring them in meetings, but keep a tight lid on such emotions while at work – it’s the easiest way to get colleagues to turn against both of you and your partner.

Don’t: Flirt outrageously
Whether you’re already in a relationship or are just testing the waters, the office is no place for innuendo or flirting. It can make other colleagues uncomfortable and set the rumour mills churning, making you the butt of many cruel office jokes. Also, if you still decide to flirt and are greeted with stony silence for all your efforts, gracefully accept the rejection and move on.

Don’t: Indulge in PDA
As tempting as it might be, no stealing a kiss here or holding hands there. No matter how careful you are, someone is likely to spot what’s going on and tell someone who will tell someone. And making out (or more) in supply rooms or after hours in the office is a no-no too.

Do: Find out your company’s policy on this
While most companies don’t encourage people coupling away while on the job, they might not necessarily have strict policies against it either. However, some frown upon it very sternly and have strict protocols in place if it happens. If you’re contemplating getting into a relationship with a colleague, find out for certain what it could mean for your career at your current company to help you decide if it’s worth going into it, after all.

Do: Tell your boss
You don’t have to do it, but it’s the decent thing to do. And your boss will respect you for your honesty and integrity in coming forth. Maybe they will decide not to put you on the same projects or assignments in the interest of fairness to your colleagues, and that might be disappointing initially, when you want to spend all your time together, but in the long run, telling your boss is the right thing to do once you’re sure of the relationship.

Do: Give it time to wear itself out
Don’t jump into a relationship with a colleague the minute you find yourself getting attracted to them, and finding your attraction reciprocated. It could very easily be an infatuation caused due to proximity, and might run its course if you just wait a little. Given all the things that can go wrong, make sure you give yourself time to figure out whether it’s a fleeting superficial attraction or an actual emotional connection.

Do: Be discreet
If you do get into a relationship, don’t be in a tearing hurry to tell your friends from work or announce it on social media. Until you’re sure you and your partner are serious about each other and foresee a real future with each other, keep colleagues and mutual friends from work out of the equation.

Do: Be graceful, if it ends
The end of any relationship, no matter how amiable, is tough, with emotions running high and both people feeling fragile. Being forced to see your ex-partner at work every day in the immediate aftermath of the breakup is among the toughest parts of such a scenario. No matter how much you might be tempted to lash out or say something untoward in the heat of the moment, know that giving in will only harm your reputation, not theirs.