How To Deal With A Breakup With 'The One'

A breakup never comes out of the blue. It's extremely important to realise that there were possibly many telltale signs along the way which you ignored. These signs were, in fact, hinting that the relationship was headed for a breakup. While you chose to believe that he/she was 'The One', you were probably perpetuating the illusion because it was comforting for you.

If you have believed for a long time that the person is 'The One' for you, you have probably dreamt in great detail of a life together. You have believed that this is 'forever' and you have shared many emotionally and possibly physically intimate moments together. You may have many happy memories of time spent together, places visited together, photographs taken and gifts exchanged. Perhaps even letters and cards were written proclaiming love to each other, along with special names given to each other, waking up and sleeping with the thoughts of each other and also declaring that the person is 'The One' to family and friends.

All this makes it hard, no doubt. However, it does not make it impossible to deal with the breakup.

Here are a few things you can do to heal yourself -

1. Write a letter to your now ex-partner, for therapeutic purposes. This is the first step. Here you need to acknowledge the good, the bad and the ugly parts of the relationship. Be painfully honest. Talk about the joys and the sorrows, the highs and the lows. Such a letter puts the whole relationship in perspective and helps you to objectively evaluate the relationship. This helps to move from viewing the person as 'The One' to viewing the relationship as merely one that has taught you a lot about yourself and about relationships in general. Accept that there were incompatibilities that had the potential for creating more pain if the relationship had prolonged and that the breakup was inevitable.

2. Then acknowledge the pain of memories flashing past ever so often. Do not indulge in the pain, but merely accept that while it is painful now, it will pass. In the meantime, access your support group of friends and family to continue doing things that are enjoyable. Visit the same places with friends who care, to create newer and more pleasant memories.

3. Remove all objects, letters, photographs and signs of your ex from your home, your phone, your laptop. Unfriend and unfollow your ex on social media.

4. Get into pursuing hobbies that you have not given time to. Join singles travel groups and travel to exotic locations. Engage in activities that expose you to a new crowd - like learning a foreign language, fitness, music or dance classes, theatre groups etc. Reach out to a friend in need and help in any way you can by volunteering in social causes that stir your heart.

5. Give yourself to your work. Set work goals for yourself and upgrade your skills. Look for opportunities that will help you grow.

6. Spend gratitude time for all that you have and that is in your life. Appreciate that you have family and friends that care for you.

7. Spend time praying or meditating. Meditate to gain wisdom, discernment and to be empowered to make healthy life decisions going forward.

Dr. Minnu Bhonsle Ph.D. is a Senior Consulting Psychotherapist and Relationship Counsellor at the Heart to Heart Counselling Centre, Mumbai, and has been working with couples for the last three decades.