Is Your Marriage Worth Saving?

A partnership of any kind can be hard. Being in complete sync and understanding one another, all the time, is no easy task. When it comes to a partnership in marriages, double that hardship. It's not a partnership in the workspace; real emotions are involved. Therefore, expectations are higher and so are the chances of getting hurt. But when you're constantly feeling hurt, how much time and effort should you really put in before you say "I can't"?

We spoke to Dr Minnu Bhonsle, Relationship Counsellor, and here's what she had to say.

When do you know your marriage is not worth working on anymore?

1. When your partner behaves in ways that make you feel your physical and/or your psychological safety is at stake.

2. When your spirit is chipped away on a daily basis by being in the relationship.

3. When the thought of being with your partner evokes in you severe depression, clinical rage or extreme anxiety because of the interaction style of your partner and he/she refuses to acknowledge or change that interaction style.

4. When your partner refuses the intervention of marriage counselling to facilitate a harmonious co-existence.

5. When your partner has a serious substance abuse issue or a mental disorder (opined by a professional as such) which he/she refuses to get treated.

When should you continue to work on the relationship?

When your partner acknowledges that there is a problem, and genuinely wants to work on it to rescue the relationship. If he/she is willing to do whatever it takes, including taking help from a professional marriage counsellor and/or any other expert necessary to heal oneself and the relationship, it is worth giving it a shot and trying to fix it.

How can you work towards solving the problems?

1. Keep the communication lines open and share your concerns constructively. Ask, in return, that these concerns be addressed.

2. You could seek marriage counselling to facilitate a constructive dialogue to address all outstanding issues.

3. Display your willingness to receive feedback on your role in the status of the relationship and express your commitment to make necessary changes in any toxic conduct from your side.

Dr. Minnu R. Bhonsle has done her Doctorate in the field of Psychotherapy & Counselling and has been working in this field for several years.