In today's modern world, relationships have grown to be about more than just two people being together in a relationship, which is called monogamy. You must have also heard of polyamory; the practice of having more than one romantic partner.
However, this new bizarre relationship trend will surely blow your mind. The new term “Tolyamory,” recently coined in the US, might not be as uncommon as you think. Tolyamory is not discussed or agreed upon by both parties in the relationship, whereas polyamory is.
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What Is Tolyamory?
As per The Standard, the term tolyamory was created by podcaster and sex and relationship columnist Dan Savage. It's a portmanteau that blends the terms “tolerate” and “polyamory” and describes a relationship dynamic where one or both parties tolerate or put up with the other's sexual encounters. In contrast to other consensual non-monogamy practices, this particular one isn't something the couple has formally discussed or agreed upon. In simpler words, tolyamory is another word for open infidelity in a relationship.
The word was introduced in a January 2025 episode on Dan's podcast, where he described it as “someone willing to turn a blind eye to a lap dance or a brief affair after years of marriage.” He stated, “They are able to focus on all the ways their spouse demonstrates their commitment and shows their love. And all of those other ways compensate for or make the cheating that might be happening tolerable.
He further said, “These people aren't fools or dupes. They are not to be pitied - they know what they signed up for and long ago made peace with what they got. They are willing to put up with it; a certain amount of it, (have) reconciled to it, (and are) willing to tolerate it. They are, in a word, tolyamorous.”
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