What Do Men Really Look For In A Life Partner?

It is a mistaken notion that what men want in a woman is only lots of sex, arm candy and the freedom to hangout with the boys. This might be what 'boys' want, but men want women who are true life companions through good times and bad. Who are nurturing mothers for their kids, who can co-create a life together, who can be a sounding board and a dependable 'soft place' during trying times. Finally, men seem to want someone who is a 'true friend' and who helps them be a better person because of the relationship.

A real man looks for personality traits in a woman that withstand the test of time. The traits listed below are the result of thousands of interviews with men in my couples counselling practice.

1. A Real Woman

A real man wants a real woman. Someone who has a great sense of humour and who can snort and laugh with him without feeling self-conscious. Someone who is comfortable without makeup and other frills, who is happy to hangout in her sweatpants and t-shirt, who is instantly ready to go with sudden plans without the need to spend hours dolling up, who is chilled out when sweaty after a run or at a basketball court. At least when she is with him. Basically, someone who is extremely comfortable in her own skin.

2. A Low-key Woman

She is one who likes the simple stuff like curling up and reading at home, pottering with the plants, cooking together, taking the dogs for a walk, going for a swim and sipping on lemonade, taking a picnic basket to the park and chatting till the sun goes down, cycling to a picturesque spot and long endless walks. Most men look for a partner they can not only wine and dine with but also wind down and go offline with.

3. An Interesting Woman

There is nothing more sexy to a man than an intellectually stimulating conversation with a woman, which is why couples where conversational chemistry is missing, slowly fall apart. A real man is turned on by an engaging woman who is well versed with world affairs and the social environment, who is well travelled and has interesting tales to share, who is passionate about a personal project, who is empathic and sensitive in her listening skills, and who is insightful about human relationships and who can think critically. The man sees such a woman as a great companion on his life's journey.

4. A Confident Woman

She is a woman who knows who she is and what she wants, and has a quiet and silently confident demeanour that does not reek of arrogance but is self-assured and relaxed. She is not needy or dependent on a man for constant validation or appreciation, but she is also not impersonal and distant if she is acknowledged and appreciated. A real man finds this extremely appealing as the woman has the courage of her convictions and therefore can be a great co-parent and co-creator of life together. Her ability to give him insight and perspective when he might need it, is something he values a lot.

5. An Affectionate Woman

A woman who uninhibitedly reaches out to touch the man affectionately and hold hands. A woman who isn't afraid to make the first move shows the man that he has an equal sexual partner and that takes some pressure off him in bed. Men love feeling wanted, and since they are naturally more physical by nature, the physically affectionate woman reaches his heart quickly as he receives her messages clearly and unambiguously.

6. A Dedicated Woman

When men see a determined woman who never gives up and who has a never-say-die attitude, he sees a person who can be with him for the long haul. He wants to know whether he can count on his partner to dedicate herself to building a life with him, who can plan for the long-term, who can dedicatedly participate in nurturing the children and guiding them to be their best selves, who he can grow old with, and who can be a reliable partner for better or for worse.

7. A Sensitive Woman

A woman who is down-to-earth and is not striving to prove she's better than someone else, who is respectful of who you are and not demanding that you be something other than who who you are, is viewed by the man as a sensitive and sensitised person who will respect his journey as much as her own and who will be willing to find a win-win scenario at all times.

8. A Prudent Woman

Building a good life together requires financial prudence on the part of both and if a man finds a financial planner in his partner, he finds it immensely comforting and reassuring. A relationship is strengthened by saving money and planning expenditures, and building a good life, brick by brick, can be a very bonding and solidifying experience for a couple. An extravagant woman who never discusses value-for-money therefore can be quite a turn off for a man.

9. An Adventurous Woman

A woman who is excited about trying new things and who is open to different experiences is exciting for a man. He knows he has a fellow explorer and traveller who will not only enhance his life experience, but who will also encourage their children to explore and discover life, thus helping them widen their horizons and become wholesome and autonomous individuals.

Dr. Minnu Bhonsle Ph.D. is a Senior Consulting Psychotherapist and Relationship Counsellor at the Heart to Heart Counselling Centre, Mumbai, and has been working with couples for the last three decades.