From Where Mindy Kaling Stands, Harvard is for Nerds

Vera Mindy Chokalingam, aka Mindy Kaling - 'Hollywood startlet' as she described herself - couldn't put her finger on why she'd been asked to speak at the commencement of Harvard Law School's class of 2014.  About the students at the law school she had this to say - "From where I stand, from an outsider's perspective, here's the truth: You are all nerds"

Here are my 10 picks from her 16-17 minute speech that was punctuated with laughter:

1.    "Seeing that I absolutely had to do this and couldn't get out of it, I rolled up my sleeves, sat down at my computer,  and tried to buy a commencement address of movingcommencementspeeches.com. My credit card was declined, so I had to write the thing myself and here we are today."

2.    (On Preet Bharara who was one of the other speakers) "Clearly Harvard wanted you to see the full range of what India  can produce here. Mr Bharara fights finance criminals and terrorism. I meet handsome men in cute and unusual ways on television, and next season my character might get a pet puppy. So is one more important than the other, who can say!"

3.    "I graduated in 2001 from Dartmouth College, an academic institution located in lawless rural New Hampshire, where when you arrive, you are given a flask of moonshine and a box of fireworks, and you are told simply to, quote, 'Go to town' -- except there is no town, there is only a forest and a row of frat houses that smell like urine..."

4.    "Little known fact, Dartmouth has a law school -- it's just one semester, and its coursework is entirely centered on how to beat a DUI" (Driving Under Influence)

5.    "With this diploma in hand, most of you will go on to the noblest of pursuits, like helping a cable company acquire a telecom company. You will defend BP from birds. You will spend hours arguing that the well water was contaminated well before the fracking occurred. One of you will sort out the details of my pre-nup."

6.    "A dozen of you will help me with my acrimonious divorce. And one of you will fall in love in the process."

7.    "Harvard Law is the best of the Harvard graduate programs. The Business School is full of crooks. The Divinity School is just a bunch of weird virgins. The School of Design is for European burnouts. And don't get me started on the Kennedy School. What kind of a degree do you get from there? Public policy? Okay, right. You mean a masters in boring me to death at a dinner party. Let's be honest. The Med School is just a bunch of nerdy Indians. I can say that, by the way."

8.    "I believe in the Clint Eastwood School of Law. An Eye for a Eye  - I don't think so, that solves nothing. You take my eye, I take your life my friend, in a duel... I don't want your stupid eye. For what my eye collection... you are dead. Duels are the first thing you learn when you enter my graduate programme - the Harvard School of Vengence."

9.   "I know you have a chip on your shoulder. Yale Law is always number 1 and you are always number 2. Sometimes Stanford comes in there, bumps you down to number 3. But listen let me tell you something. From where I  stand, from an outsider's perspective, here's the truth: You are all nerds, all of you. The only difference is that you are the nerds that are going to make some serious bank (sic). which is why I'm here today,  to marry the best looking amongst you."

10.    "Who should be giving advice? The answer is people like you. You are better educated and you are going to go out into the world and people are going to listen to what you say, whether you are good or evil, and that probably scares you because some of you look really young. And I'm afraid some of you are probably evil, that's just the odds."

Oh and she did say she'd kill to do a shampoo commercial -- "If anyone from L'Oreal is here, please just snapchat me after this' 

Here is the laugh a minute video...