Cryptic Marriage Proposals May Seem Cute - But Please, No More Clueless Narcissism

Another day, another engagement story guaranteed to make everyone else feel a little inadequate. The enterprising Matthew Dick managed to persuade the legendary Times cryptic crossword setters to include a proposal in their clues, and the subsequent betrothal has been splashed across the papers today, perhaps because the dead tree posse are relieved to feel cool and current for a short minute.

Increasingly, proposal stories are cropping up online. Videos of extravagant dance troupes and would-be grooms shuffling manfully along go viral, while a photo of a couple getting engaged in front of a pair of newlyweds invited criticism worldwide. One man even staged a fake reality show in order to propose to his tearful partner.

If your partner proposes in private, does your relationship really mean anything? Does your beloved really cherish you enough to put a ring on it? If there's no camera crew ready to film your surprise and awe (and aww), how will people know that your proposal story is up there with the best of them? While it's always nice to know that people want to declare their love so publicly (especially in the UK, where most of us would fake a seizure if a flash mob surrounded us), there does seem to be a certain level of narcissism in the public proposal. Mostly, the person being proposed to has barely a supporting role in these video clips, while all the focus is on the instigator. This is most clearly illustrated by the groom who filmed himself every day for a year holding up a sign saying "Will you marry me?". Leaving aside the fury I'd feel that someone wasted a year doing something so ridiculous, what is really telling is that the bride was barely given a look in throughout the whole performance. Bodes well for the next 65 years.

Only about five other people in the world are interested in your relationship. Nobody else cares.

Although a crossword is a unique way to pop the question, I'd argue that the growing pressure to come up with a creative and fresh way of proposing takes something away from the moment when you actually do it. Sure, marriage is an antiquated and patriarchal system (I'm not bitter at all), and loads of them end in divorce, but for those who want to go down that road, is being accosted on a red carpet by a man on a horse (and I am not just throwing out ideas here) really the way you want to begin the journey?

For the most part, only about five other people in the world are interested in your relationship. Both sets of parents (because they don't want you to keep living in their house), and possibly an ex who keeps a close eye on you just in case they get lonely. Nobody else really cares. It's not enough that your mates have to shell out for a themed wedding weekend and coo approvingly at the honeymoon photos, now they must learn complicated choreography so that you can dance through a bingo hall to present a ring to your partner as they are simultaneously enveloped by puppies (I made that one up, feel free to use it).

If you want to propose, consider doing it without a camera. You don't need to come up with a wacky idea and you don't even need to invite friends, strangers or hired performers to witness the happy event. Instead, it can be a happy and intimate moment, a story just for the two of you. Sure, it might not be Disneyland perfect , but look on the bright side - if your partner says no, at least it won't be on YouTube for the rest of your life.